Thankfully, right now, I can feel. I feel this moment, I can feel every moment and I know these moments aren’t good enough, that I need something better, and that I’ve to make some efforts to make it better. More than the optimism and the presence of the will to turn it around, I am thankful for being able to feel. This is important ‘coz the moment that stops as well, I will be emotionally dead. There’s already an ongoing struggle where I am facing my emotional demons for keeping them inside too long, for that turned me into a numb-wreck …that I was dead emotionally for a long time, that I couldn’t feel anything for past few years is the thing that really scares me. The reason’s simple. ‘Coz that made me blank out on quite a few wonderful memories and some of the best years of my life. Though I would say I’ve learnt a lot from those years, being there, done that, and thankfully survived all that, I wouldn’t want to go through that numbness again.
So, I hope this goddamn feeling of desperation ends soon enough. I’m sick of the heart, which is on burn and the eyes which are blazing mostly. I’m sick of blaming my fate. My mind resembles a battlefield right now and I’m sick of going through phases of masochistic carnage it has unleashed.
This may not be a very happy post for a first timer, but this blog will be a reflection of what I’m feeling or going through, and hence, there will be no mincing of words.
In hope of better times,
w