At this moment, I have nothing but my beliefs. I believe in myself, my values and my ideas. I crave for others to believe in them, but I am ready to be patient. After all, everyone holds their beliefs closer to them. My work, my ideas, may have been falling on ears that refuse to listen to new ways of doing things, but I have not given up. Not yet. If someone thinks my idea is bad, that's okay with me. The world doesn't end. One just has to keep looking for the right person. I refuse to believe that out of 6 billion+ people, not a single head would see some merit in my ideas.
On a tangent, someone close criticized me for not being a good planner. I think I am an optimist, but I do not want to think too much about tomorrow. And you know what? Future is relative. So, that criticism is anyway invalid. I plan and I do think about my future. Not as far as some people would do, but I think about the next second, next hour, tomorrow. That's my future. I can't think months ahead from now. I am neither incapable nor afraid. However, I think it steals away my present.
So I am optimistic, but I can't/don't want to start thinking and strategize about how and when to do certain things, so that one year from now I reach someplace. That's not me. It's an absolute cliche but I want to live in the moment and enjoy everything, planned or unplanned.
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Saturday, 27 March 2010
Every Day Is Another Story...
Places are like people. You always want to possess them and once you do that, you want to move on. Too long with someone makes them predictable, boring and dull. And too long someplace makes it dragging, unamusing, tiresome. Clearly, anchoring to places and attaching to people is not my way of life. At least not right now. I do crave for stability in my life, but when it starts getting too comfortable and convenient, I get restless. In my dictionary, too much stability = death. So I want to move on now. I will miss some of the crazy people and wonderful places from here who/which I would probably never see or encounter again, and that makes me depressed, but I rather move on and start living than missing those who have moved on...
Wednesday, 17 March 2010
The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most
One thing suddenly became crystal clear. Whether it is friendship or relationship, the moment it leaves the harbour, it is in deep water. Sure it feels great while it lasts. The sunlight filtering through her hair, fondling my face and warming my blood while listening to the waves dancing against the ship's keel...yes, love can make you write poems.
But love also makes everything wobbly, uncertain. Prone to getting upturned by slightest of storms. When a Titanic happens, the Roses of this world will live and Jacks will freeze to death. It is not fair but that is how it is. And the worst part is realizing that everything that she has been yelling for past hour about how I hurt and damaged her for life is an utter lie coz the only person I could really hurt is myself.
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Happy New Year
This blog needed a new lease of life. So did I. The watchful eyes...1984...Google gives my other blog's url when searched for my name. I didn't like it. This, even after so called anonymity on the blogger service. Tried everything. Removing it from google list, from blogger public list, but nothing basically worked. Anyway, enough people already knew that blog's url so removing it from google search would not have helped it. I love readers. But not those who know me as a person. The whole purpose is lost if my personal and virtual life get mixed in this way. The posts here are not virtual, they are incidents from my life, my thoughts, dreams, ideas, nothing is unreal/virtual about them, but revealing too much to a familiar audience is not my idea of blogging.
I will keep it short and sweet this time. But I promise to write regularly here. Wish you all a very happy new year! Hope 2010 brings all the great things you wish for. Just a suggestion. Don't stop at wishing. Work toward it. If someone asks me what's the biggest lesson I learnt in 2009,I would say, it's learning that working hard has no alternative...no wish, no hope, no dream will succeed without some real effort on your part. More importantly, even if you do not succeed, you would have your hard work with you. You would have learnt something and it will be useful on this journey. Not just that, success is important, but equally important is the feeling that success was due. More often than not, I have observed I'm not appreciative of a success undue. So work hard, and 2010 will be great for you, I promise.
Now something in my first language...
नवीन वर्षाच्या अनेक शुभेच्छा! स्वप्नं बघा, आणि ती साकार करण्यात स्वप्नांना प्रयत्नांची जोड द्या, आणि मग बघाच...कोण तुम्हाला थांबवू शकतो ते!
३ वर्षांपासून मी ’सिंगल’ श्रेणीत अडून बसलोय आणि या वर्षी तरी पुढल्या वर्गात मला प्रवेश मिळावा अशी मी स्वतःसाठी आशा करतो. तुम्हाला ’प्रयत्ने वाळूचे कण रगडिता...’, असा उपदेश दिल्यावर मी स्वतः हातावर हात धरून बसणे कसे शक्य आहे? या बाबतीत तरी नक्की नाही! पण ’जीवनसाथी’ आणि मुला-मुलींना व्यवस्थित क्रमबद्ध पद्धतीने सोबत आणणाऱ्या असंख्य तसल्याच निरुपयोगी पोर्टल्स वर माझा विश्वास नाही. त्या पद्धतीत स्वातंत्र्य नाही आणि चक्रव्युहासारखे ते खेळाडूंना गिळूनच मग शांत होते असं काहीसं माझं त्या शोभायात्रेबद्दल मत आहे.
त्यावर उपाय हाच की स्वतःचा साथीदार स्वतः शोधणे. २०१० मध्ये मला या सर्व क्रियाकलापासाठी भरपूर वेळ काढावा लागणार, आणि ते मी आवडीने काढीन. फक्त मनासारखी साथीदार मिळाली तरी तिच्याशी प्रेमराग आळवायला आवडेलच असे नाही. त्याचं उपप्रमेय हे की प्रेम हे ठोकताळ्यात बसत नाही, आणि प्रेम-विवाह करायचा असेल तर फक्त दोन गोष्टी सोबत हव्यात...पहिली ही की प्रेमावर अतूट विश्वास असणे. हे म्हणजे थोडं मृगजळासारखे आहे, पण काही केल्या ती वाट सोडणे नाही...दुसरा महत्त्वपूर्ण आणि आवश्यक गुण म्हणजे अपेक्षा आणि रीतींच्या जळमळाटापासून दूर असणारे मन...ज्याची द्वारं फक्त प्रेमासाठी खुली आहेत.
करायला तर आहे सोपे. टिकवायचे कसे हे मात्र समजायला हवे. या साली ही ज्ञानप्राप्ती मला व्हावी हीच इच्छा...
Once again, wish you all a great year ahead. And in pursuing your dreams, don't forget to have a good time!!!
I will keep it short and sweet this time. But I promise to write regularly here. Wish you all a very happy new year! Hope 2010 brings all the great things you wish for. Just a suggestion. Don't stop at wishing. Work toward it. If someone asks me what's the biggest lesson I learnt in 2009,I would say, it's learning that working hard has no alternative...no wish, no hope, no dream will succeed without some real effort on your part. More importantly, even if you do not succeed, you would have your hard work with you. You would have learnt something and it will be useful on this journey. Not just that, success is important, but equally important is the feeling that success was due. More often than not, I have observed I'm not appreciative of a success undue. So work hard, and 2010 will be great for you, I promise.
Now something in my first language...
नवीन वर्षाच्या अनेक शुभेच्छा! स्वप्नं बघा, आणि ती साकार करण्यात स्वप्नांना प्रयत्नांची जोड द्या, आणि मग बघाच...कोण तुम्हाला थांबवू शकतो ते!
३ वर्षांपासून मी ’सिंगल’ श्रेणीत अडून बसलोय आणि या वर्षी तरी पुढल्या वर्गात मला प्रवेश मिळावा अशी मी स्वतःसाठी आशा करतो. तुम्हाला ’प्रयत्ने वाळूचे कण रगडिता...’, असा उपदेश दिल्यावर मी स्वतः हातावर हात धरून बसणे कसे शक्य आहे? या बाबतीत तरी नक्की नाही! पण ’जीवनसाथी’ आणि मुला-मुलींना व्यवस्थित क्रमबद्ध पद्धतीने सोबत आणणाऱ्या असंख्य तसल्याच निरुपयोगी पोर्टल्स वर माझा विश्वास नाही. त्या पद्धतीत स्वातंत्र्य नाही आणि चक्रव्युहासारखे ते खेळाडूंना गिळूनच मग शांत होते असं काहीसं माझं त्या शोभायात्रेबद्दल मत आहे.
त्यावर उपाय हाच की स्वतःचा साथीदार स्वतः शोधणे. २०१० मध्ये मला या सर्व क्रियाकलापासाठी भरपूर वेळ काढावा लागणार, आणि ते मी आवडीने काढीन. फक्त मनासारखी साथीदार मिळाली तरी तिच्याशी प्रेमराग आळवायला आवडेलच असे नाही. त्याचं उपप्रमेय हे की प्रेम हे ठोकताळ्यात बसत नाही, आणि प्रेम-विवाह करायचा असेल तर फक्त दोन गोष्टी सोबत हव्यात...पहिली ही की प्रेमावर अतूट विश्वास असणे. हे म्हणजे थोडं मृगजळासारखे आहे, पण काही केल्या ती वाट सोडणे नाही...दुसरा महत्त्वपूर्ण आणि आवश्यक गुण म्हणजे अपेक्षा आणि रीतींच्या जळमळाटापासून दूर असणारे मन...ज्याची द्वारं फक्त प्रेमासाठी खुली आहेत.
करायला तर आहे सोपे. टिकवायचे कसे हे मात्र समजायला हवे. या साली ही ज्ञानप्राप्ती मला व्हावी हीच इच्छा...
Once again, wish you all a great year ahead. And in pursuing your dreams, don't forget to have a good time!!!
Thursday, 24 January 2008
First Post
There are days when you feel invincible, at the top of your form, facing world full of challenges head-on and emerging indomitable. And then there are days when the same you turns out to be a completely different man, beaten, spirits down and a small push tumbling you down. It’s amazing how one moment you feel you rule, that you are at the top, and that it couldn’t go any higher, and at that very moment since it can’t go any higher, the scales tip and you come roaring down. You can take that in your stride, too, if the downfall ends soon, but this time, the downfall has been going on for quite some time. I hope that this dipping in the level of spirits will stop now, stop tomorrow, or maybe the day after, but everyday I get up, the day that’s gone seems better and the morning of each new day seems to bring only bleaker and bleaker frame of mind.
Thankfully, right now, I can feel. I feel this moment, I can feel every moment and I know these moments aren’t good enough, that I need something better, and that I’ve to make some efforts to make it better. More than the optimism and the presence of the will to turn it around, I am thankful for being able to feel. This is important ‘coz the moment that stops as well, I will be emotionally dead. There’s already an ongoing struggle where I am facing my emotional demons for keeping them inside too long, for that turned me into a numb-wreck …that I was dead emotionally for a long time, that I couldn’t feel anything for past few years is the thing that really scares me. The reason’s simple. ‘Coz that made me blank out on quite a few wonderful memories and some of the best years of my life. Though I would say I’ve learnt a lot from those years, being there, done that, and thankfully survived all that, I wouldn’t want to go through that numbness again.
So, I hope this goddamn feeling of desperation ends soon enough. I’m sick of the heart, which is on burn and the eyes which are blazing mostly. I’m sick of blaming my fate. My mind resembles a battlefield right now and I’m sick of going through phases of masochistic carnage it has unleashed.
This may not be a very happy post for a first timer, but this blog will be a reflection of what I’m feeling or going through, and hence, there will be no mincing of words.
Thankfully, right now, I can feel. I feel this moment, I can feel every moment and I know these moments aren’t good enough, that I need something better, and that I’ve to make some efforts to make it better. More than the optimism and the presence of the will to turn it around, I am thankful for being able to feel. This is important ‘coz the moment that stops as well, I will be emotionally dead. There’s already an ongoing struggle where I am facing my emotional demons for keeping them inside too long, for that turned me into a numb-wreck …that I was dead emotionally for a long time, that I couldn’t feel anything for past few years is the thing that really scares me. The reason’s simple. ‘Coz that made me blank out on quite a few wonderful memories and some of the best years of my life. Though I would say I’ve learnt a lot from those years, being there, done that, and thankfully survived all that, I wouldn’t want to go through that numbness again.
So, I hope this goddamn feeling of desperation ends soon enough. I’m sick of the heart, which is on burn and the eyes which are blazing mostly. I’m sick of blaming my fate. My mind resembles a battlefield right now and I’m sick of going through phases of masochistic carnage it has unleashed.
This may not be a very happy post for a first timer, but this blog will be a reflection of what I’m feeling or going through, and hence, there will be no mincing of words.
In hope of better times,
w
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